Sometimes I can’t breathe because there is too much air and my lungs can’t expand to make room for it all.
Sometimes I find the world so painstakingly beautiful…
Sometimes I am so excited my heart and stomach hurt
Sometimes all I want is the taste of chocolate on my tongue
Sometimes I am in love with each person I pass on the street
Sometimes thinking about the summer sun is more beautiful than the real thing
Sometimes I need to touch another person’s skin
Sometimes I can’t stop flexing my hands and looking at them, silently awed by their engineering
Found in a college sketchbook, and there is no date because I never date things properly. Written sometime between the fall of 2008 and spring 2009.
Whoops! How quickly the time passes. Already it’s May, and I am once again in the throes of travel preparation. In a little less than two weeks, I’ll be heading to Shibaricon, which I attended once before in 2010. This time, however, I’ll be staying with Max.
That marks somewhat of a ‘first’ in our relationship, as we’ve never attended a conference this way. When we attended Shibaricon in 2010, we had separate rooms and pre-arranged playdates, though we certainly saw a lot more of each other than I had expected or, indeed, had hoped. So it’s exciting to have progressed further – though this was made possible, of course, by the fact that none of Max’s other partners are planning to go themselves.
Given that the only other event I’ve attended in this capacity with Max was at Folsom Fringe during our very first extended encounter in 2009, it’ll be interesting to explore just how much has changed in three years.
The other big news in my life is that I’m planning a three-month-long summer sojourn in Seattle after Shibaricon (hello alliteration!). I’ve been thinking about doing this since the winter, and I finally committed to it last week by finding a room to rent and subletting out my SF room. So yeah, that’s a big deal.
Amidst the preparation for all of that excitement, I’ve also been drawing more and taking more photographs – even submitting some of my work to a few shows and galleries. I got a few images accepted for the SEAF store, and I’m excited to attend this year to see all of the artwork they’ve picked out for the festival.
My biggest personal project is a kinky webcomic that I’ve been planning for – well, it’s lived in my brain since the latter half of my college years. I even drew a few test strips to get a feel for working in that format, but it’s been a long time since I’ve attempted any more. This time, I’ve got more experience and content to draw from (literally!), and I’m pretty excited about making this a reality!
So, bear with me as I more or less abandon this space in favor of a more visual medium. And, if you’d like to be kept abreast of the webcomic’s progress, including where it will appear once I start publishing it, feel free to send me a note! My contact email can be found in the sidebar under the RSS feed icon.
I’ll keep the archives up for now. Who knows, I may become inspired to write more now that I’ve started drawing more as well!
It’s funny how it’s when my life is joyful and fairly content that makes for the most boring and sparse blog posts. I wrote a lot more when I was more morose, unhappy, or lonely, it seems. Added to the general feeling of contentedness is the fact that I’ve just been consumed with other life happenings, and so I don’t often find the time or space to write here.
Because busy I have certainly been. There was the week of family Thanksgiving back on the East Coast, the flight back to San Francisco, and the flight up to Seattle two days after that. I spent the extended weekend with Max, and there is plenty to talk about there, except I came home and was immediately thrown into host-mode as a college friend was visiting San Francisco for a few days. I spent a couple wonderful days with her and the friends she was with, exploring parts of the city I’ve long neglected.
Still, it’s nice to carve out some time for myself this week, and I have been catching up on all the mundanities of life that constantly need attention, boring as they are to mention. I’m trying to become more organized – in the space I take up, the physical objects I own, and the way I generally go through life. I’ve coasted well enough so far, but that will only carry me so far before I start floundering.
Foremost on my mind is wondering where I will be, this time next year. I have, for the past five or so months, been making moves to apply to a certificate program in Seattle. That portfolio is still underway, and I’ve just discovered that I in fact can’t apply for their Fall 2011 enrollment until the spring. This leaves me a lot of time to think over what, exactly, my life will look like for the next couple of years.
I recently read this journal entry of one Neil Gaiman, and once you get past the funny (and cute) photos of Neil in a ridiculous number of layers of clothes, he answers letters he gets from his readers. The two letters on being creative writing majors had me drawing a lot of parallels to my own experience in the arts department. I found a similar discouragement to draw anything fantastical – though I admit some of that was self-censoring, because the curricula were fine arts oriented, which often holds a very strong bias against graphic design, illustration, and cartoon art. I struggled with conceptual art and art theory because I was more interested in creating characters and caricatures, and seriously had no illusions of creating any deeper meaning to my work.
I have been interested in this particular Seattle program because it is for natural science illustration, and I think it would help any kind of illustration I choose to do in the future. I also believe I currently have the ability to draw from life and draw to anatomical standards, and could do this without shelling out tuition money and uprooting the life I am building for myself in San Francisco.
On the other hand, I have pretty compelling reasons to want to be in Seattle as well…
Bah. It’s late, I’m rambling. I think it’s time to go to bed…
I haven’t had much time or frame of mind to be at the computer the past few days. First, I spent Wednesday through Friday last week finishing my first kangaroo hide whip. Saturday, Max arrived in San Francisco, and I gifted him the finished whip that day. And now my weekend and week is all about Max, which means I am barely connected to my phone or computer. It’s a glorious feeling.
With that, we are getting ready to head out for an evening of leather hoods, sushi, and rope. Yum.
Amongst my many neuroses is the inner monologue that occurs each time I debate whether or not to make a phone call to someone. This is something I’ve always done, and as early as I can remember I seldom ever called my friends unless prompted or unless an immediate response was absolutely needed. I find talking on the phone awkward at best and frustrating at worst, especially now with cellphones where the signal may be spotty. I overwhelmingly prefer texting to calling.
Oh, and I hate leaving voicemails. I used to stutter (in both English and Chinese, no less), so I’m forever trying to mentally compose my dialogue before speaking. It’s a habit that’s hard to kick, and talking to an answering machine does not make that easier as I feel I’m being timed. I’ve gotten better at this now, but it’s still not my preference to call and leave a voicemail.
So. An example of a phone deliberation monologue might run something like this:
“Should I call X? I should – we haven’t talked in awhile, and I’d like to catch up; grab coffee or something. Let’s see, it’s 12:10 now, he might be at lunch. I don’t want to interrupt him while he’s eating or in line or something. Maybe I’ll call after 1.”
(1pm rolls by)
“Oh, I was going to call X. But – what if he’s busy? It’s so annoying having your phone go off when you’re in the middle of something. He could be driving, too. Or in the middle of a meeting. But – what if he is free right now? I just don’t want to call and get to voicemail…”
(half hour later)
“Ugh, now it’s even later. Forget it.”
Years of this means that I am now rarely inspired to call someone spontaneously; calling is just not the first option that comes to mind when I think of getting in contact.