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Deliberating phone calls

September 15, 2010 3 comments

Amongst my many neuroses is the inner monologue that occurs each time I debate whether or not to make a phone call to someone.  This is something I’ve always done, and as early as I can remember I seldom ever called my friends unless prompted or unless an immediate response was absolutely needed.  I find talking on the phone awkward at best and frustrating at worst, especially now with cellphones where the signal may be spotty.  I overwhelmingly prefer texting to calling.

Oh, and I hate leaving voicemails.  I used to stutter (in both English and Chinese, no less), so I’m forever trying to mentally compose my dialogue before speaking.  It’s a habit that’s hard to kick, and talking to an answering machine does not make that easier as I feel I’m being timed.  I’ve gotten better at this now, but it’s still not my preference to call and leave a voicemail.

So.  An example of a phone deliberation monologue might run something like this:

“Should I call X? I should – we haven’t talked in awhile, and I’d like to catch up; grab coffee or something.  Let’s see, it’s 12:10 now, he might be at lunch.  I don’t want to interrupt him while he’s eating or in line or something.  Maybe I’ll call after 1.”

(1pm rolls by)

“Oh, I was going to call X.  But – what if he’s busy? It’s so annoying having your phone go off when you’re in the middle of something.  He could be driving, too.  Or in the middle of a meeting.  But – what if he is free right now?  I just don’t want to call and get to voicemail…”

(half hour later)

“Ugh, now it’s even later.  Forget it.”

Years of this means that I am now rarely inspired to call someone spontaneously; calling is just not the first option that comes to mind when I think of getting in contact.

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Categories: anal, sundry

memory vomit

October 13, 2008 2 comments

After a brief dry period last week where I had no libido whatsoever, I am craving being filled again.  Filled everywhere…in my ass, in my mouth, in my cunt – but especially in the ass and mouth.  I’m not sure why, but I get a strong desire to have a cock shoved in my mouth at sporadic moments throughout the day: during class, or at a meeting, or driving to work.

And with this desire comes a flood of memories of SR and all the delicious ways we fucked throughout the summer.  Like that first time, when he fucked me in the shower while I was on my period (my first time having menstrual sex), and we scrambled around trying to find a foothold for him to penetrate me.  The night we fucked seemingly for hours in every position possible, until my throat was hoarse, my muscles were shaky from the force of his hips slamming repeatedly into mine, and my brain was swimming in a lake of endorphins.  Our night (and subsequent morning) of debauchery in the motel near my campus after watching Secretary.

Speaking of that night, I revisited that particular motel with a friend who was scoping out all the hotels around campus for a cheap place to put up her parents for this weekend.  I had tagged along to go grocery shopping, but stopping by that motel I couldn’t help but smile.  I turned to my friend with a grin and said, “I have to admit, I have some great memories of this place.”  To which she groaned an “Oh God” and rolled her eyes.

I seem to develop very strong memory associations from the guys I’ve been with.  I am reminded of Tim with every mention of a boat, Salem, or Maine.  Taiwan, linguistics, ESL, poker, and investing make me think of M.  And now, seeing any Audi on the street reminds me of SR, as well as any mention of casinos or Boston.  It is frustrating, because to my dismay, there are always quite a number of Audis out on the road.  Like I’m not having enough trouble trying not to think of him as it is!

Finally, I found this interesting book, Sex with Your Ex (and 69 other tempting things you should never do again), via The OverEducated Nympho.  Here is what it says (according to the table of contents on Amazon.com).  I crossed out the no-no’s I have committed:

  1. Never have sex with your ex
  2. Never have sex with a friend simply for the benefits
  3. Never reveal your number of sexual partners
  4. Never make out with someone while chewing gum
  5. Never let him keep photos of you in your birthday suit
  6. Never let your friend sleep with somebody you have dirt on
  7. Never accept a lame proposal
  8. Never ask your girlfriend to be part of a threesome
  9. Never go after him if he has a girlfriend or wife
  10. Never hide your natural smell
  11. Never try to get some action when your parents are in the vicinity
  12. Never lead him on if you’re not interested
  13. Never show up on his doorstep after a night of drinking
  14. Never throw yourself into his hobbies if they’re not your cup of tea
  15. Never use the toilet in front of your partner
  16. Never lie about cheating
  17. Never show jealousy
  18. Never get below-the-belt piercings
  19. Never abstain from sex just because you’re having your period
  20. Never apologize…
  21. Never write your ex a letter letting him know “how you feel”
  22. Never continue dating him if he openly lusts after other women
  23. Never freak at the sight of an uncircumcised penis
  24. Never fake orgasm
  25. Never get married to please someone else
  26. Never ask if it’s in yet
  27. Never be afraid to show him what feels good
  28. Never believe him when he says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pull out.”
  29. Never go overboard on imitating a stripper
  30. Never have sex on a first date
  31. Never let him – or anyone else – know what you did on spring break (or in Vegas)
  32. Never believe him when he says he didn’t cheat if the evidence suggests otherwise
  33. Never go to a psychic for advice on your love life when you’re desperate
  34. Never tell him how much you love your vibrator
  35. Never dive in on rigorous sex without visiting the ladies’ room first
  36. Never stalk your ex
  37. Never date a jerk, even if he’s beautiful
  38. Never drop your girlfriends for your guy
  39. Never keep you ex’s number in your cell phone, phonebook, speed dial, or buddy list
  40. Never break up in public
  41. Never have sex with your best friend’s ex – or vice versa
  42. Never tell your date you Googled him
  43. Never hook up with brothers or roommates
  44. Never have sex if you’re drunk and feeling queasy
  45. Never be too lax about his friendships with females
  46. Never answer your phone during sex
  47. Never tell your friend you don’t like her partner/fiancé
  48. Never take advice from just anyone about sex
  49. Never check his e-mail “just to see what he’s been up to”
  50. Never ask him if you look fat
  51. Never fall for the line, “I feel a connection between us”
  52. Never date a guy who won’t introduce you to his friends
  53. Never send e-mail that includes details of your latest sexual exploits to a coworker
  54. Never get involved with him if he still lives with his parents, ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or college buddies
  55. Never talk about things your previous lovers did in bed
  56. Never date a guy who’s more concerned about his hair than you are about yours
  57. Never have more to drink on a first date than he does
  58. Never get involved with a guy who’s not as smart as you are
  59. Never engage in sex play unless you really feel playful
  60. Never send him dirty text messages while he’s at work
  61. Never divulge all of your fantasies
  62. Never have sex with a guy who keeps his socks on
  63. Never be seduced by Mother Nature
  64. Never ask your boyfriend which of your friends he would sleep with if he weren’t with you
  65. Never give road head in a moving vehicle
  66. Never have sex during a rebound
  67. Never go home with someone else just to make your guy jealous
  68. Never lie about having an STD
  69. Never say the wrong name during sex
  70. Never say never
Categories: anal, life, links, sex, sundry, writing

A List

September 20, 2008 5 comments

Things I miss now that I’m single:

  • Anal sex
  • Fast-and-furious-fucking
  • Spooning
  • The taste and smell of cock
  • The taste and smell of cum
  • That delicious post-coital soreness

Also, I have not yet experienced an orgasm from a guy going down on me, and I’d very much like to.  Oh, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  That goes in my to-find list.  Along with a guy who will tie me up and spank me and then fuck me for 4 hours.

Any takers?

Categories: anal, reflection, sex

Needs. I has them.

August 5, 2008 Leave a comment

SR is taking a vacation in Beijing for the Olympics, and I am left without a warm body and consistently available hard cock for the first time in a month. Considering he’s only gone for 2 weeks, I shouldn’t complain as I’ve gone for much longer without…but it is just so good. And I miss his company, too, of course! I realized how much of my social life already consisted of being with SR once he left, and how he commandeered all of my time starting from the moment I moved into this apartment.

That’s not so good. I need to get a wider social base or risk becoming isolated and depressed like I was in Taiwan. Having housemates helps a lot, especially housemates that are always inviting me out with them. Yay.

But, really, though. I miss his cock. And his dirty mouth. A few nights before he flew out to China, SR stopped by, basically for a booty call, and almost as soon as I stood up to greet him as he walked into the room, he had me bent over the bed and my shorts half-off. I had just showered, and had my hair in a braid to make it more manageable, as I hate the feeling of the wet mop of hair stuck to my back. He grabbed the braid, making my back arch, as he thrust into me. In that position he was going almost too deep, mixing a little pain into my pleasure.

I was enjoying it for awhile and really getting into it, and I really wanted him to come inside me. So I asked him if he wanted to fuck me in the ass, to which he could only moan in pleasure. Mmmmmm. It was, again, painful at first, especially since we, again, didn’t use any lube. I really need to introduce SR to my friend Astroglide.

Then, as usual, it started to feel good. Really, really good. Once it got to the point where I could push my hips back as hard as he was thrusting, it was fucking heaven. But then I noticed he was getting soft. Whaaaaat? How is that even possible? We keep going for a bit, trying to keep it up, but finally he pulls out, sweat dripping off his forehead and shoulders. A bit puzzled, I ask if he wants to change position, but he says no, he’s too sweaty.

“Also, you’re kinda bleeding…”

I leap off the bed to save my sheets and check. Yup, blood. But I could swear my period wasn’t due for another few days! What a disappointment. So we both hop in the shower to clean off, and once the water’s running nice and hot, we soap each other up and things get heated again. I ask, “so is everything clean down there?” as I lather up his groin and he rinses himself off. He turns to face me and pushes down on my shoulders, replying, “Why don’t you find out?”

I take his now-fresh-smelling and newly hard cock in my mouth, start working him up. He takes over and starts murmuring about coming on my face, so I go along with that, talking a little dirty while taking sporadic licks at his head. With a long groan, he starts to come, and long strands of spunk land across my face. It was a bit of a surprise, but other than that I didn’t mind. I suppose I feel dirtier now that I’ve had come on my face though. It was a first for me…usually it goes on my belly, in my belly, or in my mouth.

Anyway, that was a nice memory to recollect in SR’s absence. And I used so many different verb tenses in this post that I can’t even read it over to edit. Ugh. Time for bed!

[edit]: oh, and as it turned out, I didn’t have my period. We were just being really rough, I guess?

Categories: anal, firsts, life, love, memories, sex, sundry

road trippin’ with my two favorite allies

July 21, 2008 Leave a comment

I spent the weekend on a road trip with SR and various friends he picked up/dropped off along the way, ending in New Jersey at, of all things, a car show. It’s called Waterfest and apparently a prime event to geek over VWs and Audis at. Saw some pretty slick cars, heard plenty of things I couldn’t decipher, and probably got 3 shades darker from being in the sun (not to mention the reflection off all those cars and motors). I walked around a bit with my tongue plastered to the roof of my mouth, refusing to pay the $3 for the tiny drinks they had at vendors all around the event.

Later we met up with some of the guys from Waterfest and SR got to drive a friend’s modded Audi on the highway to see how fast it could go. And sitting in the back, feeling the vibrations of the car and the exhilaration from the speed coursing through my body, I got a glimpse at what it really means to drive a car. Mmmmmm. Hot hot hot.

But perhaps not as hot as the teasing that occurred the night before the show, when SR, one of his guy friends, and I crashed at a cheap motel for the night. In a tiny one-bed room. So the friend slept on the floor by the bathroom, and SR and I shared the bed. And as soon as SR got under the covers, his boxers came off and he pulled my hand over to feel his erection. And I was thinking, I don’t want to be that couple that has sex in the same room as a friend and makes things awkward for him. I mean, he was already sleeping on the floor!

But it felt good to grip his hard-on in my fist, and after awhile we started spooning and I could feel how hot his crotch was. It was getting me horny, and him rubbing me from behind just made it harder to refuse. So I pulled my shorts off as quietly as I could and pulled his cock to me, and he slid in easily. God. It was so difficult to stay quiet and not gasp/fuck him back/moan, which just turned me on even more. And I’m sure the bed was shaking in a very obvious way. It was amazingly hot, despite the fact that we were on our sides and couldn’t fuck hard or fast. He wrapped his arms around me in a body hug that also pushed me deeper onto his cock, and I was slowly being driven crazy from the slow buildup, silence, and underlying intensity of the moment.

SR pulled out and I tried to let out my breath quietly, until I felt a finger pressing against my ass.

Oh. He wants it there.

It wasn’t completely unexpected; SR has made it obvious in past romps in bed that he wants to fuck my ass. And that night, after getting teased for what seemed like forever, I was feeling more than a little malleable and compliant. I let him open me up with his finger, which felt amazing, and then guided his cock to my anus, already puckering in defense. He slid inside surprisingly easily, and I couldn’t help gasping then. I always get more vocal during anal sex, and I knew that I could not do this with his friend 20 feet away.

Not to mention it has been a pretty long while since I was last fucked in the ass, and after the initial entrance, every movement he made burned with pain. I grabbed his hips to stop him from moving, turned my head so my lips were near his ear, and whispered at him to slow down. He whispered back, wanting to know if it was okay, so I nodded but repeated my request to slow down, it’s been awhile. I guess he sensed something was wrong and just pulled out completely. Only to try penetrating me in the pussy again. I grabbed hold of him and asked what he thought he was doing. He told me he wanted to fuck me, and, exasperated, I told him there was no way he could now that he had been in my ass.

Oh, right. Good call.

Dear lord. That made me wonder for the rest of our trip whether or not he’d had anal sex before. But it seems like mere common sense that that kind of shit cannot be done except in pornos catering to those kinds of fetishes. I suppose, though, that ass-to-mouth is so commonplace now that the concept is just desensitized? I have no idea, but the thought icks me out. Not my kink, thanks.

But I felt bad cockblocking him, so when I heard him start to jerk himself off, I moved down the bed and hovered my mouth by his cock, telling him that I wanted his cum in my mouth. That helped him ejaculate pretty quickly, even though for the most part my mouth wasn’t really touching him.

Fast forward to Sunday morning, when we finally find ourselves back in Boston, and more importantly alone. We park his car at my place, and he goes straight to the shower while I relax for a bit in my room. He comes into my room as I am catching up on my RSS feeds, pulls me across the bed, and pulls all of my clothes off. I’m not as wet anymore after showering, sleeping, and then driving for 2 hours, but slowly he works his way inside me again, standing behind me while I strain on my toes to take him all the way. Our height difference makes some positions a little difficult. But we both love doggie style, so we make it work.

After lots of sex in several positions, we’re back with him fucking me from behind, a finger in my ass. I know what’s coming, and sure enough, he pulls out and I feel pressure against my ass. It’s harder this time, I’m tired and tight and still recovering from the last session. But slowly, I back my way against his cock and feel him penetrate.

God. I don’t know how to describe the feeling of being anally penetrated like that. After the initial painful stretch, I become lost in the deepness of the sensations. Ever since I began exploring my body sexually, anal penetration has drawn my curiosity and intrigue. And it just feels so damn good! He didn’t fuck me too hard, but it felt amazing and it was making my pussy flood. It is like I have an alter-ego with anal sex, too. I am so much more vocal, and talk so much dirtier, than with vaginal sex. I begged for him to fuck me harder, and to cum deep in my ass, and he just couldn’t last. He fell forward spasming from his orgasm, pushing me flat against the bed, his cock still embedded in my ass.

While we both caught our breath, I started playing with myself. SR left to clean up in the bathroom, and came back into the room just as I was starting to come myself. He traced fingers down my back as I was shuddering, before turning to lie on his back as I started breathing normally again.

I do believe anal sex makes me come the easiest. Probably something to do with the massive amounts of fluid that I leak during it.

Recalling all these details of this morning is making me achy again. So I’ll leave off here while I attend to my needs.

Yum.