Today is a slow, slow, rainy day, and I have been slow-moving in response. I realize I’ve not stopped by here lately, and in truth, it seems this blog is nearing the end of its lifespan. I may write more in the future, but there are just too many other things occupying my life lately, and I have neither the time nor inclination to write things down.
But, a short update seems in order, as a lot has been happening lately:
– Max came to visit me in the later half of February for a short while, which was wonderful. As is increasingly the case, I left the airport after his visit feeling it was not enough, that time had flown inexplicably by before I had a chance to appreciate every moment we had together. We had a very full schedule this visit, including a day-long series of workshops at Kink.com, a 3-hour private lesson, and multiple social engagements. I enjoyed helping and assisting at the workshops where I could, and it definitely introduced a new level of service to Max that I had little prior experience with. All in all, it seemed to go fairly smoothly, and we got some really nice feedback at the end.
– I am trying to move myself towards a freelancing career, which is proving most difficult – in all the ways one would expect self-employment to be difficult. But, perhaps the biggest obstacle to overcome is my own inertia and self-doubt. There are days I feel like I can do anything, but they are far outweighed by the times I hold back, frozen in place by the hugeness of my decision weighing me down and by the lack of a definite plan or path.
– But I am still sending out resumes now and again, when I see something I think I could do and enjoy.
– I submitted a few pieces to this year’s Seattle Erotic Arts Festival as well as a collaborative proposal for an installation piece. The installation proposal was accepted, and now begins the process of building this installation with an art collaborator who lives over a thousand miles away. It will be quite a unique experience for me, and promises to take me far outside my comfort levels. I’m terribly excited, and very nervous, about the whole thing.
– I am getting really into both my yoga and climbing. I’ve started going to yoga 3-4 times a week, and I’m hoping to up my climbing to three times a week as well. A new friend in town has gotten me to go climbing outdoors with him as well, which has been wonderful. I can feel my body getting stronger and more limber every week, and as per my (intentionally vague) resolution after coming home from Sydney, I’ve kept an exercise/activity log, which is filling up quite nicely.
So, that’s a general life update of the past month or so. Perhaps I will post updates as I work through the SEAF piece, but we’ll see… Otherwise, I’m much more active on Twitter and Fetlife now.
If I’ve been quiet on here lately, it’s not for lack of activity elsewhere. Between the recent holiday, working extra shifts, a freelance assignment that I’ve only just sent off last night, and the few other personal projects I’m working on, I’ve spent plenty of time in front of my computer screen – just not here.
And – speaking of personal projects, a moment of inspiration has me putting together a new, visual blog that I’ll hopefully be ready to reveal soon. I want to see first if I’ll even be able to sustain it, but I’m excited to have a new venture to delve into. And I’ve always been more proficient with visuals than with words (not to say that I won’t stop spewing those out here though).
I seem to be in a state of transition. A few weeks back, I felt rather like Grendel. I felt about as personable as a snake, spitting and hissing curses at the people around me. Now I’m mostly just bemused by thoughts and considerations of where I fit in here, where I belong, and where I’m heading.
It sounds a lot more grandiose than it is.
And granted I’m just about at the four month mark of living in San Francisco. Not to mention that given my anti-sociality (which no one believes of me, but which is nonetheless very much true), I shouldn’t be surprised that I haven’t widened my sphere of acquaintances. I am just looking at the kinds of things I want to be able to do in the city – trails to hike, places to climb, museums to peruse – and wishing I could be better about reaching out to the people I already do know to engage in these activities with me.
I feel a transition in the blog, as well. It seems a lot more…stifling here lately. My growing transparency between blog persona and local presence must account for some of that. I will have to reconsider what I want this place to be about, and the content that is appropriate for it. I’ve never had to consider this before; but then I’ve never been so transparent, and I’ve never enjoyed attention directed at myself. I’m starting to consciously abstract and generalize more, and it’s less possible to talk as freely here as it once was. It may be time to head towards more obscure waters again – to reinvent my anonymity.
Well, alright, I’ve spouted enough for tonight. Time to hit the hay and forget all these silly little burdens of mine for a little while.