Home > life lessons, links, polyamory > Resources for open relationships

Resources for open relationships

For a few years now, since really starting to be exposed to the poly lifestyle, I’d occasionally come across a blog post about someone’s struggle through dealing with jealousy or time management, and after reading, I’d mentally shrug, think, “Well, that was interesting,” and move on.  Since it didn’t interest me as a lifestyle choice, I never pursued it further, researched the topic, or even asked myself what I could learn from those readings to improve my existing relationships.

Now, fully engaged in a large-ish, complex poly family, I’m much more interested in finding literature surrounding polyamory.  Each time I’ve come across an article on poly in the past few months, I’ve read it more carefully, and made a mental note to bookmark it for later referral.  Except that I never get around to actually bookmarking them, and it leads me to tearing through my mental archives searching for some key phrase or word that can help me identify the article enough to find it via Google.

No more!  I should be keeping better track of these resources as I find them, because I’m certain they will prove invaluable as I continue down this path into nonmonogamy.  Thus far, I’ve collected the following articles, and while I’ve linked to the specific page I’ve read, I have gained a lot from going through these blogs’ archives as well.

[edit: I’ll be adding more links here as I find them]

  • The Special Thing – Kink in Motion talks about her struggle with identifying one of her needs in a poly relationship – that of needing to feel special, and various examples of how that may be played out. This was one of the first poly-related posts I read that resonated with me as I was starting to become more involved in Max’s life.
  • 10 Rules – Another post I read fairly early on, I thought the rules were great and could be applied to many kinds of relationships besides nonmonogamous ones.  Here is also where I was finally beginning to see the fluid spectrum that the word “relationship” encompasses, and how the various forms and rules that governs each are part and parcel of the general spirit of connecting with another person on an intimate level.
  • Jealousy Megapost – I found this through the Poly & Kinky group on Fetlife, and besides having great points to make about jealousy, tacky_tramp also links to other articles and resources to peruse.  In fact, many of these posts link to further reading, which means I foresee a lot of blog-surfing and article reading in the near future!
  • Practical Nonmonogamy Tips – This is a pretty detailed breakdown of the many different forms nonmonogamy can take, the different reasons for choosing nonmonogamy, tips for managing boundaries and emotions, and other resources to turn to.  Actually, I haven’t even finished reading everything here, but I plan on making my way through this because it just seems so helpful.
  • The Broken Refrigerator – I just came across this article and am also still going through it, but I like his metaphor of the broken refrigerator as he goes through the various possible reactions you can have when hitting a bump in your relationship due to jealousy.
  • Marcia Baczynski – This woman was recommended to me after a friend read a previous post of mine on poly.  She does coaching and discussion groups around open relationships of all kinds, and she is also currently offering monthly topic-based sessions that I wish I could afford to attend!  Her upcoming one on October 16th is titled “Managing Jealousy and Making Sense of Your Emotions.”  She also leads a poly discussion group in San Francisco, so I may make it a point to join that.
  • Opening Up – This book by Tristan Taormino has been recommended to me multiple times now.  I have not had a chance to pick it up, but I’ll have to remember to look for it the next time I’m in a bookstore.  I’d like to read a couple excerpts first to see if I should buy it (unless someone wants to lend me their copy?).
  • Polyamory Relationship Success

This is only my starting point, but it’s already given me an enormous amount of reading material to go through.  It is my hope that all of this research will open up pathways of understanding for me – of poly, negotiation, relationship skills, and my own inner workings.

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Categories: life lessons, links, polyamory
  1. kinkinmotion
    October 3, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    wow… i am completely floored and flattered to be mentioned in the same post as some of these people! thank you! and i’m really tickled what i wrote spoke to you 🙂

  2. October 3, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    “Opening Up” has been sitting on my shelf for a while now, I really need to find the time to read it.

    Thanks for putting together this list, I wasn’t familiar with some of these other writers.

    My wife and I write a semi-regular column on my blog about swinging and how we manage our open marriage. Just thought I’d throw that shameless self-promotion in there…

  3. October 3, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Kim – Yeah, I found that post of yours really useful as I was starting to dissect my own needs. Thank you for sharing!

    hubman – Thanks for letting me know about your blog! I’m always looking for more people’s personal experiences in managing open/nonmonogamous relationships.

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