Lessons from Paradise
I finally landed back in San Francisco late last night, and I have an obscene amount of work I need to catch up on. I am exhausted from the roller-coaster ride the last week has been, and there’s a lot there that I need to reflect on. So, in lieu of any kind of organized thought, a list of some things I took away from this trip:
- Even relaxing, week-long conventions are still conventions and crazy to schedule
- Asking for clarity is almost always better than trying to guess at intentions
- Life will throw wrenches into any planned schedule
- Needs cannot be neglected for very long without personal consequences, and being submissive does not mean forgetting about my own needs
- “Do you need anything right now?” is an open invitation that I should take up more often
- Being at an outdoor kinky event means submitting to the weather and the passage of natural light
- Building a relationship with thought and intention has been a new, satisfying, scary, and intense process
- Poly is hard
- Coming into an established poly family is like taking the graduate level course without having read the primer
- Building expectations in my head without making them known to the people I’m building them around is a sure recipe for miscommunication and unnecessary hurt feelings
- Waiting for what I want to fall in my lap is unproductive and leads to festering emotions
- Relationship lessons are hard, painful, and emotional, but they are important lessons nonetheless
- It’s all worth it. When the dust clears, I feel love and power and connection unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and how can it be wrong to want that?
- Because it’s worth it, it will take work and thought and communication and personal responsibility
- Communication, communication, communication
90% of Paradise was immensely fun, and I am glad for that experience. And while the remainder of my visit was difficult and created some personal turmoil, it was all important to experience as well.
More to come, perhaps, when I’ve more time and thought to devote here, but for now, I know at least the future is hopeful and bright as far as my relationship with Max is concerned, and that is all I need right now.