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Lessons from Paradise

September 9, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I finally landed back in San Francisco late last night, and I have an obscene amount of work I need to catch up on.  I am exhausted from the roller-coaster ride the last week has been, and there’s a lot there that I need to reflect on.  So, in lieu of any kind of organized thought, a list of some things I took away from this trip:

  • Even relaxing, week-long conventions are still conventions and crazy to schedule
  • Asking for clarity is almost always better than trying to guess at intentions
  • Life will throw wrenches into any planned schedule
  • Needs cannot be neglected for very long without personal consequences, and being submissive does not mean forgetting about my own needs
  • “Do you need anything right now?” is an open invitation that I should take up more often
  • Being at an outdoor kinky event means submitting to the weather and the passage of natural light
  • Building a relationship with thought and intention has been a new, satisfying, scary, and intense process
  • Poly is hard
  • Coming into an established poly family is like taking the graduate level course without having read the primer
  • Building expectations in my head without making them known to the people I’m building them around is a sure recipe for miscommunication and unnecessary hurt feelings
  • Waiting for what I want to fall in my lap is unproductive and leads to festering emotions
  • Relationship lessons are hard, painful, and emotional, but they are important lessons nonetheless
  • It’s all worth it. When the dust clears, I feel love and power and connection unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and how can it be wrong to want that?
  • Because it’s worth it, it will take work and thought and communication and personal responsibility
  • Communication, communication, communication

90% of Paradise was immensely fun, and I am glad for that experience.  And while the remainder of my visit was difficult and created some personal turmoil, it was all important to experience as well.

More to come, perhaps, when I’ve more time and thought to devote here, but for now, I know at least the future is hopeful and bright as far as my relationship with Max is concerned, and that is all I need right now.

Categories: hope, life lessons, love
  1. September 9, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Ahhhh. There’s nothing really that’s more important than relationships, so bravo for persevering.

    And for girls such as us, any large gathering that is 90% fun is paradise. 😉

  2. Dov
    September 9, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Excellent post on surviving poly 😉

  3. September 9, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Leila – Thank you! And agreed re:both relationships and the 90% fun. I definitely had to seek out some alone time later in the week, which only seemed to exacerbate things. I still have much to learn…

    Dov – Thank you as well. Yeah, survival is what it feels like when things need working on; but I’m also learning how joyful poly can be when things are going more smoothly.

  4. September 10, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    I ❤ this. We're going to camp next week so it was a good reminder of things to do and not to do! So glad it was joyful and survivable. 😉

  5. Dov
    September 11, 2010 at 1:38 am

    Your welcome. Its hard to ask for what one needs especially when your trying to serve someone. Its hard to realize that your not worth anything to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself and taking care of yourself means taking care of your needs. Poly when its smooth is the best smooth glass in the world but when you hit those rough patches its a meat grinder thats made worse by not communicating. Oddly getting out of yourself and trusting that the people around you will give you what you need seems to smooth the grinder moments out

  6. September 12, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    sera – Enjoy your camping adventure! Glad I could help with camping preparedness (bring a headlamp!).

    Dov – yes, yes, yes! It’s been a very steep learning curve for me, being able to assess and manage my needs. The meat grinder moments have been few but jarring.

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