January 31, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Lately I’ve had a lot of little quips, comments, and quotable tidbits of Max’s playing through my head.  I think my favorite is this:

What they never tell you about poly is all the laundry that’s involved!


There was also a conversation he and I had, the first night I was in Seattle, where I mentioned having read the column Mistress Matisse wrote on Top Types. I asked him which one of the types he identifies most predominantly with, and he replied that it would have to be service.  That didn’t surprise me; I had gotten a good read on that from being in service to him for eight days.  Then he added that, to him, a lot of the pain he inflicts falls under the category of service as well, and this gave me pause.

I hadn’t thought about pain in that context before, but suddenly it made a lot of sense in terms of how I react to that particular sensation.  A lot of the hardest, most painful scenes I’ve had have been where I endured for the pleasure it gave my partner.  And it also helps explain my continued hesitance to label myself as a masochist: I’m not completely in it for the sensations.

My whip scene with Max is a perfect example.  I was tied only by my hair, and while this did limit my range of motion somewhat, that was not what held me in place (or what kept my arms raised out to the sides) each time he cracked his whip across my body.  I was bound there by the urge to serve and to please, which was stronger than my fear of the pain.

There was also the spectacular scene I had with T a month back involving extremely tight pallet strap bondage.  The intensity of that bondage left me nearly in tears, begging to be freed – something that does not happen often (though of course that could be because usually, if I become uncomfortable in bondage and mention it, I’m untied or ties are loosened soon thereafter).

photo by Miss Vicki

Not this time.  This time, regardless of my whimpering about my deadened arms, restricted breathing, inability to maintain a particular position – T continued to push my limits.  He’d tighten or adjust a strap, then lean down and whisper to me, I want you to take this for me just a little while longer: this pain.

And so I would.

But none of that is to say I don’t enjoy pain for its own sake sometimes as well.  Otherwise there is no way I’d even come close to being able to handle the truly sadistic streaks of my various play partners.

I certainly obtain a level of pride from being able to handle having my limits pushed.  The issue then arises of wondering if I’ve been able to take what my partner thinks I should be able to handle.  One night in Seattle, bound in front of the fireplace, Max pushed me down into what basically amounted to a horse stance.  I lasted all of probably a minute, though that may be a generous estimate.  I instinctively tried to push myself up to lessen the strain on my legs, but Max kept me firmly in place by his favorite handle: my hair.  And after more wobbling and straining against his hand, I couldn’t take the position anymore, and he pushed me flat to the ground (ostensibly to let me rest).

I wished I had lasted longer.  And perhaps if I were still practicing tae kwon do, I would have.  That is a damn shame, and something I am hoping to improve upon with workouts and some kind of climbing regimen.

Because it I find myself in a horse stance in front of Max’s fireplace again, how wonderful it would be to feel the pleasure pulsing through his hand in my hair as I hold that position, just a little. while. longer.

  1. Max
    February 1, 2010 at 12:38 am

    You’re absolutely right – I’d be pleased by the gift of “a little while longer” – especially knowing that you’d worked hard to deliver it to me.

  2. February 19, 2010 at 1:24 am

    “What they never tell you about poly is all the laundry that’s involved!”

    Or the dishes, who gets the remote, why the front closet doesn’t have any space for another jacket, and who the heck drank the last of the milk?

    Sorry to post something so irrelevant, but your quote made all that come to mind in a flash.

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