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Archive for November, 2009

transitions

November 30, 2009 Leave a comment

If I’ve been quiet on here lately, it’s not for lack of activity elsewhere.  Between the recent holiday, working extra shifts, a freelance assignment that I’ve only just sent off last night, and the few other personal projects I’m working on, I’ve spent plenty of time in front of my computer screen – just not here.

And – speaking of personal projects, a moment of inspiration has me putting together a new, visual blog that I’ll hopefully be ready to reveal soon.  I want to see first if I’ll even be able to sustain it, but I’m excited to have a new venture to delve into.  And I’ve always been more proficient with visuals than with words (not to say that I won’t stop spewing those out here though).

I seem to be in a state of transition.  A few weeks back, I felt rather like Grendel.  I felt about as personable as a snake, spitting and hissing curses at the people around me.  Now I’m mostly just bemused by thoughts and considerations of where I fit in here, where I belong, and where I’m heading.

It sounds a lot more grandiose than it is.

And granted I’m just about at the four month mark of living in San Francisco.  Not to mention that given my anti-sociality (which no one believes of me, but which is nonetheless very much true), I shouldn’t be surprised that I haven’t widened my sphere of acquaintances.  I am just looking at the kinds of things I want to be able to do in the city – trails to hike, places to climb, museums to peruse – and wishing I could be better about reaching out to the people I already do know to engage in these activities with me.

I feel a transition in the blog, as well.  It seems a lot more…stifling here lately.  My growing transparency between blog persona and local presence must account for some of that.  I will have to reconsider what I want this place to be about, and the content that is appropriate for it.  I’ve never had to consider this before; but then I’ve never been so transparent, and I’ve never enjoyed attention directed at myself.  I’m starting to consciously abstract and generalize more, and it’s less possible to talk as freely here as it once was.  It may be time to head towards more obscure waters again – to reinvent my anonymity.

Well, alright, I’ve spouted enough for tonight.  Time to hit the hay and forget all these silly little burdens of mine for a little while.

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Categories: admin, sundry

Having a Coke with You

November 23, 2009 Leave a comment

“Having a Coke with you”

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluoresent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some marvellous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Frank O’Hara

Categories: links, lyrics, video

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Categories: life, reflection, sundry

back when

November 18, 2009 3 comments

Though you wouldn’t be able to tell from the past dozen or so posts, I actually used to write more interesting (well, to me anyway) things here; things like fiction and prose.  Seems to me all I see these days are whine-colored, pity-party posts.

I was reading through older posts (while skimming quickly and unseeing through those concerning my ex so that I do not have to relive that), and there are a few I thought would be nice to bring back out for a revisit.

There is this post, entitled “play,” though it is in fact not all that playful.  Unless you find asphyxiation playful, I suppose.

There is a post called “ruminations” which is slightly insane but makes my heartbeat quicken and stirs some inner wildness each time I reread it.  And, speaking of wildness, “weasel journal” is inspired by one of my favorite essays by Anne Dillard, about living like weasels.

For more graphic, sexual fiction, there is slices and memories and a story I wrote while studying abroad in Costa Rica.

And, finally, some of my personal favorite HNT moments: lustful, full of clothespins, all business, and all play.

Categories: links, sundry, writing

feeling quite contrary

November 16, 2009 1 comment

I should be ecstatic.

First of all, a few days prior, I booked a flight home for the winter holidays, with a weekend stop in Seattle on the return trip to visit with Max and see a few other friends I made on my first pass through the city.  And I very much look forward to that weekend.  It also means I’ll be able to attend one of Max’s workshops, which occurs a few days after New Year’s and just so happens to be one of my favorite topics: escape bondage.

Secondly, yesterday a group call Screwup held its monthly workshop at Wicked Grounds.  Screwup is advertised as “BDSM for trannies, genderqueers, and their friends,” and yesterday was the inception of the move to have their workshops at the café.  And because the focus of the workshop just happened to be rope bondage, and because the instructor just so happened to be Fivestar, I was eager to attend it.  The class itself was fun, and an older, rather attractive dyke sitting next to me kind of hit on me, but the highlight of that evening was unquestionably after the class had finished and most people had left.  Chatting with Fivestar, I expressed my disappointment in not getting tied up when we’d split into groups to practice.

She asked if I would like to be tied up, and I nodded enthusiastically.  After a few minutes of her untangling her rope and laying it out, I was getting a chest and hip harness put on me.  She put me in the same suspension tie seen in the photo of her in the SF Guardian.  Except with clothes on.

It was wildly exhilarating, being suspended in the café while, just a few feet away, the espresso machine ground out coffee, people sat on their laptops and sipped from ceramic mugs, and more customers stood in line waiting to order.

I never wanted to come down.

But half an hour later, I was out of the ropes and driving down Mission Street, Psychokitty at my side.  We stopped by the Kinky Salon to drop off coffee for their Saturday night party and as a late-night date (and this is item number three).  I’d agreed to go to the Salon before discovering all that much about it, but its title as a swinger’s sex club made me more than a little apprehensive.  Nonetheless, I’d told myself that I needed to get out more and beyond my comfort zone, so we went, arriving at the completely nondescript door and up the stairs to a dimly lit entrance room.

Despite the immediate dress code faux pas of my wearing jeans, which we addressed by my simply getting rid of them, I had an enjoyable time at the Salon and was treated to a wonderful Cabaret show to end the night.

And thus ended an incredible, packed Saturday.

And finally, I am eagerly awaiting my recently ordered spool of ~150 ft raw, 6mm hemp rope, as well as the family photo book I recently put together online as this year’s Christmas gift.

I should be ecstatic.

Yet…despite having so much to look forward to, and so much goodness that has happened in the past few days, why is it that all I want to do is curl up in a corner and cry?

Categories: sundry

HNT: the camera

November 12, 2009 15 comments

Today’s HNT celebrates the hardware that goes into making most of these photos: my Nikon D60.  But I couldn’t help making a little bondage experiment out of it.

I am completely enamored by this camera and the amount of control it gives me of the picture.  Of course it is only a starter DSLR and may be limited, but having no experience with any of the newer DSLRs, I don’t mind not knowing what I’m missing out on.  This baby’s perfect for what I use it for, and I doubt I’ll ever go beyond amateur photography.  I’ll always love taking photos, and I haven’t even really explored the full breadth of what all the manual options have to offer.

DSC_5116

Categories: geekpost, photos

Listed

November 10, 2009 3 comments

I’m pretty sure I’d probably heard about the top 100 sex bloggers list sometime in the past year but had never given it much thought.  I don’t read all that many blogs anymore, and it seems that bloggers of any kind, sex bloggers included, come and go, sometimes astonishingly quickly.

I was pretty stunned to find out that I’d been included in this year’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers list, a compilation of an incredibly wide spectrum of sex blogging with both long-time, well-known names as well as relative newcomers.  I will also admit, however, much surprise at the names I didn’t see listed, and I rather felt that a few spaces might have been opened up if it were a per-blog listing, rather than per-blogger, since some of the blogs have multiple contributors.  But I recognize that it couldn’t have been easy to make the list and that the judges probably wanted to give equal props to each unique writer.

With all that said, the list is available after the jump, and I’d definitely encourage visiting these bloggers.  And, while some of them are already linked in my sidebar, I’d also encourage taking a look at my listed blogs there, for that way lies writings I’ve fallen into that have changed me, friends I’ve made along the way, and faraway idols that I not-so-secretly worship.

Read more…

Categories: admin, links