Home > firsts, submission, the bi within > the ties that bind

the ties that bind

My favorite home atmosphere is this exact kind of early spring night, when the air is still nippy and the songs of peepers and wood frogs ricochet off the trees.  It is an amazing and beautiful chorus, and impossible to ignore, even in the city if you live within a mile of a vernal pool or source of water.  Their song is the clearest, most direct music of love and courtship – a dazzling aural display – and you have to realize how potent that song is when you compare the size of a peeper’s vocal chords to its vocal radius.

I had to write that just now, because I needed to honor the season of the frogs, and one my favorite earliest companions on muddy spring days.  I had been meaning to write about it earlier, as I was taking in laundry hanging outside (nothing beats air-dried laundry) and stopped to soak in the chorus that reverbrated the air around me.

And if I didn’t do it tonight, it would never get out, because I am already bursting at the seams trying to process and write about my experience at Alphabet Soup last night.

Alphabet Soup being the kinky gathering at DTox that I mentioned before.  It’s an event to gather all the different circles of kink/glbt/polyamory/swing into one big orgy – well, metaphorically speaking, of course, but it wasn’t too far off at times.

But I should start at the beginning.  Which was when I was walking around completely lost trying to find the damned lounge at around 8:20pm, no bearing at all on where I was supposed to be going while rain kept drizzling down until my socks in flip flops were waterlogged (yes strange footwear, long story short I had fabulous heels that were fabulously painful).  I dipped into a couple subway stations looking for maps to redirect me (how is it that some stations don’t have those maps?!  Or only past the kiosks?!  Feh.), and finally, tired, wet, and footsore, stumbled into DTox.

To say that I was intimidated would be an understatement.  Not only do I not bar hop, I’ve never been to a gay bar, or a kinky munch.  I had images of looming, muscular guys wearing leather harnesses and holding whips, staring me down through latex masks.  Basically a mixture of all the images of deviant behavior that has been fed to me through the media throughout the years, and from bad porn.  FreaksSexual deviantsEverything that represents the collapse of moral integrity in America today!!

Well, maybe not.  But, ah me.  Thank God I went and got my head set back on straight.  Because just as with the Bound in Boston workshop, I entered expecting to find people nothing like me – people so outside my own reality as to have utterly nothing in common – and walked away with an even stronger confirmation that these are the kinds of people I need in my life.  Like a big smack across the forehead, I realized how deeply ingrained I was with the average American judgment of the kink world (much less of poly, swingers, transgendered…)

It did take a huge effort, regardless, stepping into the bar and heading to the back lounge where it seemed the group was meeting.  At least, there were snacks out, so I put my dripping stuff down on a cushioned seat and tried to find the hostess and introduce myself.  I asked one woman if she was Mina, and she said no, but pointed her out to me.  Seeing her already in conversation with others, I made my way instead to the snacks.  Yes, great plan.  Stuff food in mouth, prevent having to socialize.  Mid-stuff, Mina hurried over demanding introductions, and then pulled me over to each person to introduce them.  The ice was broken immediately, and when I got to meet and chat with Sinclair of Sugarbutch Chronicles fame I was hooked.  I hid my awe of meeting a well-known sex-blogger in the flesh pretty well, I think, and we chatted for a bit about jobs and careers and where to move to for a better scene.  He mentioned still adjusting to being “out” as Sinclair, while Mina told me she actually legally changed her name to Mina and is pretty much completely open.  I was envious of her not needing to juggle the two lives of sexual and “daytime” lifestyles.

There was much socializing for the first hour or so, and I was starting to enjoy myself.  I realized that I still didn’t have a place to stay in the city, and would have to leave soon to make it home via train at a reasonable hour.  I asked around, and finally basically invited myself over to Mina’s place.  She, the gracious and amazing woman that she is, offered to give me a roof over my head for the night, and I called back home to check in about my plans.

And then it was back to meeting this wonderful group of people.  Mina was busy introducing a new fetish of balloon popping via humping to some friends, and I hit it off spectacularly with maymay, talking about the history of front-end web development and standards compliancy.  I wish I could’ve geeked out with him more, but my knowledge is still rather spotty and self-taught, and he was leaving with Sinclair and co. for pizza.

I kind of hopped back and forth between grabbing handfuls of cheese puffs and joining people for conversation.  I met an Oberlin grad (always mentally noted as the school I almost attended) and computer programmer – so many techgeeks!  I’m not quite sure when it happened, but something finally clicked during that period of socializing, and I realized that I’d found my community.

I had mentioned the Boston bondage workshop I had attended to Mina during our introductory chatting, and she said that there was a Shibari master coming that I should get to know, and that she had brought plenty of rope.  I perked up at that suggestion, wondering if I would be able to get up the nerve to actually ask to be tied up by a stranger.

Oh dear.  And I have run out of time for tonight, so I guess I’ll try to finish this up in a second post tomorrow, sometime after my trip back north.  Tales of being tied up, escaping ties, human-sized balloons, and more to come!

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  1. J
    March 28, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    How exciting! Can’t wait to hear about the rest of your excursion.

  2. Wilhelmina
    April 5, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    Glad that you feel like you found your community! That’s always a great feeling.

    And you met Sinclair?!?! I’m so jealous!

    • April 6, 2009 at 2:40 pm

      Thanks, yeah it definitely was. Just a really wonderful, open atmosphere in general.

  1. March 28, 2009 at 10:15 pm

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