Home > admin, life lessons, links, memories > another kind of ritual; upkeep; privacy

another kind of ritual; upkeep; privacy

The morning orgasm has become something of a ritual for me.  I often find that I am horniest in the morning – even early work mornings when all I want to do is slam the alarm reset button and roll over.

To that end, I always keep my trusty vibrator within a slumber-made-clumsy-arm’s reach.  These days it seems I need a full three or four orgasms to get out of bed.  And sometimes just as many to fall asleep at night (the insomniac’s curse, I tell you).  Sometimes it’ll be a particularly titillating dream that leaves my panties soaked by the time I open my eyes.  Most often, though, I’m just plain horny.

Well, really.  That state of being is never confined purely to the morning and midnight hours.

Of course, not all orgasms are created equal, and these early morning, lazy, vibrator-on-clit ones are not particularly earth-shattering.  More like scratching an itch.  When I have more time to myself later in the day, I tend to like prolonging the urge to paw out my sex toys from the nightstand drawer or unzip my jeans, and instead drawing out the lust.  It really is, as the clichéd saying goes, more about the journey than the final destination in this case.

Which brings me to my next topic: blogroll updated.

I know I should have added this blog three years ago when I first started, having peeked in from time to time and enjoying his writing immensely, but for some reason, I just never did*.  Well, better late than never.  And going through the archives this afternoon was quite satisfying and kept me plenty hot and bothered, though I did not touch myself.  That whole prolonging bit.  Anyway, hope you enjoy the writings of MonMouth as much as I have!

Finally for tonight, I recently (as in the night I got to my mother’s house) was confronted by my mother about some details concerning my ex that I had chosen to withhold from her.  This means she has apparently been Googling my name as well as my most commonly used handles and usernames.  It wasn’t something I had written here – I would hope I’ve learned something from having moved/shut down/changed URLs of previous iterations of this blog in terms of covering my tracks.  True, no one’s as anonymous on the internet as they’d like to believe, and I’ve seen enough of trolls to know that there is nothing a person with the time and commitment can’t do to make someone miserable.  But, well.  If I need to, I will absolutely delete all traces of myself online to protect myself and my loved ones.

And having her find out that my ex-boyfriend threatened to publicize my social security number after we separated isn’t exactly how I’d planned to be greeted when I arrived.  I fended off her questions and assured her it was all a bluff and far behind me, but she continued to lecture on keeping my personal information private and close, especially online.  I took it to heart, knowing she meant well, but I was shaken that she had so easily dug up this information on me.

So later, in the privacy of my own room, I did my own Googling and found the offending post, where I had asked for legal advice on a forum regarding that situation (it’s been deleted now).  What can I say?  I needed to ask someone, and couldn’t bear revealing something like this to anyone I knew, being still too depressed and ashamed of all I had been through to physically talk about it.  And, yes, I’ll admit it, I was scared.

Even now, rereading the post I’d made and the subsequent replies takes me right back to the unstable wreck I was then.  I did get reassurances and good advice, and regarding the discovery of my ex’s fiancée, I particularly like this response:

Obviously, I don’t know the back story, but the silly cow is going to marry him. You’re a good person for wanting to warn her, but I wouldn’t. She’s either just as sleazy, or retarded, so who cares? Especially if she cheated on you with him. The best ‘revenge’ you can have is to hope she pisses away the rest of her life on him.

Yes, I know, that shouldn’t make me feel better.  But at a time when I was at the end of the line trying to come to terms with the sudden and vicious assault to my trust, dignity, self-respect, privacy, and not to mention my fucking pride, I guess I had to smile about something.

Anyway, all this is to say that I am now committed to keeping better tabs on my personal privacy.

*Actually, I probably didn’t because around that time I had become much more withdrawn and private in my blogging; I stopped commenting, stopped replying to comments, stopped reading other blogs and maintaining my blogroll.  Partly it was hiding from my ex and his fiancée, both whom Statcounter told me were both reading my posts.  Mostly it was just a constant, painful reminder of what had happened.

Categories: admin, life lessons, links, memories
  1. Wilhelmina
    March 24, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    😦 sorry to hear about all that palaver re: your online life… thank god my parents are computer-illiterate. i hope that’s all settled down now.

    hmm. 3-4 orgasms to get out of bed. maybe i should try that. might actually make me get out of bed in the morning instead of snoozing my alarm for ages…

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