Life has been odd lately…quietly tumultuous. Something to do with the combination of grey weather, my period coming, and my current book, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, that I am reading day by day whenever I go to the bookstore. It’s been a long time coming, picking up a Murakami novel, long lauded and highly recommended to me by close friends since last year.
I keep putting things off, including writing here. There’s a block I’ve found hard to work against, something I always fight when I’m home. I never feel like doing anything, even though there is so much to do (laundry, website work for a client, holiday presents to think up, find/make, and wrap, an upcoming art show to plan for, cleaning up the basement, cleaning up in general for when relatives visit in less than a week, guitar to practice, books to read, a brother to pick up from school, running and lifting at the gym, car checkups for the winter…). Did I leave anything out?
And as per usual, the book, the brother, and the gym have taken priority. With everything else a constant weight in the back of my mind, though, it’s hard to feel motivated to post anything here. Not that I write the most coherent posts this time of month, anyway. Mostly I am still silently fuming over the fuckup of a breakup a few months back, still feeling the sting to the ego at how easily he let me go – enhanced by my period, when I am emotionally rollercoasting to begin with. Emotionally rocky and sex-deprived.
I keep swallowing it down, though, all of it. I don’t let it show, not willing to give in to the hormones. I just keep swallowing it into the pit of my stomach. I just hope it doesn’t explode on me some day.