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bah, humbug

December 17, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

Life has been odd lately…quietly tumultuous.  Something to do with the combination of grey weather, my period coming, and my current book, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, that I am reading day by day whenever I go to the bookstore.  It’s been a long time coming, picking up a Murakami novel, long lauded and highly recommended to me by close friends since last year.

I keep putting things off, including writing here.  There’s a block I’ve found hard to work against, something I always fight when I’m home.  I never feel like doing anything, even though there is so much to do (laundry, website work for a client, holiday presents to think up, find/make, and wrap, an upcoming art show to plan for, cleaning up the basement, cleaning up in general for when relatives visit in less than a week, guitar to practice, books to read, a brother to pick up from school, running and lifting at the gym, car checkups for the winter…).  Did I leave anything out?

And as per usual, the book, the brother, and the gym have taken priority.  With everything else a constant weight in the back of my mind, though, it’s hard to feel motivated to post anything here.  Not that I write the most coherent posts this time of month, anyway.  Mostly I am still silently fuming over the fuckup of a breakup a few months back, still feeling the sting to the ego at how easily he let me go – enhanced by my period, when I am emotionally rollercoasting to begin with.  Emotionally rocky and sex-deprived.

I keep swallowing it down, though, all of it.  I don’t let it show, not willing to give in to the hormones.  I just keep swallowing it into the pit of my stomach.  I just hope it doesn’t explode on me some day.

Categories: life
  1. Wilhelmina
    December 18, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    ❤ Murakami. I haven’t read him in a long time – read several of his works though and Kafka on the Shore is my favorite.

    Don’t force it, I think. (Or, well, force it ENOUGH but not so much that it just results in a burnout.) Sometimes one needs respite, even from blogging.

    I’ll be home in… two days and dealing with a similar whirlwind of activity… simultaneously looking forward to it and dreading it

  2. December 21, 2008 at 11:34 am

    Yeah, I’m hoping to read more of his work. A close friend’s favorite is Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, so that’s next on my list. An onslaught of relatives has made it hard for me to get away, though…

    Safe travels home, and good luck with the whirlwind 😉

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