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Fuck. This. Shit

October 10, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

I refuse to apologize for my sexuality and needs.

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Categories: writing
  1. Lucky Seven
    October 10, 2008 at 3:07 am

    If you really mean that, good for you. If you are protesting too much, what secret inner self-judgment are you resisting?

  2. October 10, 2008 at 11:06 am

    I’m not sure what you mean by protesting too much. But I’m tired of feeling guilty for having a higher sex drive than the men I date.

    Up until about 3 and a half years ago, my sexuality and sexual interests were something I suppressed and were ashamed of, so I suppose I am swinging to the opposite extreme of the sexual spectrum.

    Then again, I haven’t been in any orgies or gangbangs, and my current tally of men I’ve slept with can still be counted on one hand.

  3. Lucky Seven
    October 10, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    You could count them on one hand? So sweeeeeeeeeeeet 🙂 My god you’re adorable!

    I’m sorry if that sounds condescending, it’s just been ages since I’ve heard anyone say that, especially anyone so exultantly sensual and sexual as you are. I am genuinely tickled to read that, I hope you won’t think I’m teasing or making fun. I’m not.

    “Protesting too much” is a reference from Shakespeare, meaning someone who argues loudly against a criticism or accusation because deep down they feel (or know) it’s true. Like someone who says “I’m not selfish, how can you say that, it’s bollocks” when in fact they feel they are selfish. (I thought the reference was from MacBeth, google tells me it’s Hamlet.)

    I see this in myself. The more I dislike a certain criticism, the more likely it is that I feel there is truth to it and that it points to a part of myself which I don’t like. If someone says I’m stupid it doesn’t phase me much because I don’t feel that way. But if they say I’m too sexual or a snob, I wince.

    The reason I said that to you is I wondered when your “refusal to apologize” was a reaction or over-compensation against an inner judgment you had of yourself. Only you can answer that, but reading what you’ve written I would guess not.

    I will say that my experience is that a lot of women do have a greater appetite for sex than men. Men often think they would like a spontaneous shag with some hottie they’ve just met or seen in passing, but once they are in a relationship they often seem to calm down and want it less. Many women I’ve known are almost the opposite in that they are more picky about random partners, but once they’ve found a man they like, they are want sex a lot more than their partners.

    I’m really glad I found your blog. I love how you write and think, and I like learning about how you’re evolving, sexually and as a woman.

  4. October 11, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Thanks for explaining. I thought the phrase sounded Shakespearean.

    The difference you make between men and women’s sexual appetites before and after settling down is interesting…I was with a guy who felt women who settled down lost their sex drive pretty much completely, especially once kids and/or work took priority. I don’t believe I will end up that way, though.

    Oh, I have to confess I was wrong about the one hand tally though. I forgot about one hookup I had early on in Boston, which brings the count up to 6.

    Anyway, I’m glad you enjoy the blog, and I’m tickled by your enthusiasm! Heehee

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