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Women’s Analytics

September 19, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

Last night over dinner with a girlfriend, we discussed the inanity of being a woman who over-analyzes and questions every action or inaction in a given relationship, and how it really just seems to be biologically ingrained in our particular gender.  I likened it to having an appendix: that level of alertness and scrutiny was great for surviving way back when, but it has now lived waaay past its usefulness.  And what does it accomplish?  High blood pressure and the feeling that an artery in my brain is going to explode.

Yes, dear readers, I am once again single.  Just in time for the new meat coming onto campus this fall.  Muahaha.

Seriously, though.  THIS IS WHY LONG DISTANCE “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS” WILL ALWAYS BE A DUMBASS IDEA.  So much for that attempt.  I thought I’d be okay with doing the whole casual relationship thing, but not so much.  I guess I am just way too messed up from past relationships for that to be possible.  Bleh.

So, in break-up tradition, I have been reflecting on trends and patterns and differences with my past exes.  Let’s review, shall we?

  • Tim: total blue collar, high school graduate ten years my senior working on a bachelors in boats.  Or something.  Yes, I know, I was such a rebellious young girl.  Wooed me with his dominant personality and no-bullshit attitude.  Retired pothead.  Big-ass cheater and emotional parasite.  Sent me deep into the world of submission and sexual service.  Responsible for my love of anal sex.  The one guy I am genuinely terrified of.  Led to temporary disownment by my mother.  Long distance.
  • M: Extreme geek.  Taught himself to build a frickin’ 3D video game engine (HOT).  Also incredibly passionate about linguistics, poker, investing, and ESL teaching.  Guy I first tried pot with.  Tried to get him interested in bondage and some domination, but did not get very far.  No anal sex allowed.  Trust issues from having been cheated on in the past.  Installed a keylogger on my laptop in an effort to go through my e-mails.  Led to financial cold shoulder from my mother.  Long distance.
  • SR:  Closest to my own age; engineering/business major.  Complete motorhead and gambler, not to mention a huge pothead.  Very ambitious and forceful, though a bit undirected so far: currently works in a cubicle.  Had lots of potential for kinky play and the closest to sexual compatibility I have found, but time was ultimately the issue.  Same race, thus my mother started talking about how cute our babies would look.  Comment almost made me stop dating him.  Stopped dating him anyway.  Emotionally unavailable.

Hmm, very interesting – especially the pothead trend. I have also noticed the active relationship period growing shorter with each guy: from a year or so long to two months.  I have a tendency to relate more to the social misfits (Tim) and geeks (M) than to frat boys (SR), which may have an effect.

And I will do well to heed my girlfriend’s sage words: “Summer romances never last.”

Ah, all this talk of relationships makes me want to experience something simple and hot.  Voila!  Let’s all relax with a movie of hot power tool-wielding girls and their jiggly parts.  The Benny Bagassi – Satisfaction Youtube video – now in HD:

(And apologies to anyone whose feed is being bombarded by the continuous edits on this post.  I keep finding more little tidbits to add, and I never edit my posts anyway.  This post will undergo sporadic updates until I either a) lose interest in analyzing my past relationships or b) find a new one and start writing about sex again, whichever comes first.  Let’s all pray it’s (b)!)

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Categories: life, memories, reflection, writing
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