Home > dream, emolicious, ethereal > more messages from my subconscious

more messages from my subconscious

I had a terrifying dream last night. Undoubtedly fueled by the combination of my late night dinner of pizza and soda, and the quietness and loneliness of being on campus over spring break, and the fact that I have my period, I dreamt I had moved into a house split into two partitions. From the outside it looked rather like a trailer. On my side was a family, some friends and acquaintances who were kind to me. On the other side of the partition lived my ex.

I dreamed of a sense of elation, of plotting grand plans of vengeance, now that he was so close, so within reach. This soon gave way to a deep dread, that he would discover where I was. Suddenly there were doors everywhere in the house, some doors leading directly into his side of the house, into the living room. Paranoid and terrified now, I ran around the house, constantly checking the locks, frustrated when I could not find my key card to lock the one most important door, the one leading to his side. Seeing him enter and exit the house through slits in the window shades, I only wanted to hide.

And as I lay in my bed, he was there, both he and his wife, guns in hand. One of my housemates shielded my body with his own as they started to fire, and I may have screamed, or cried, or pleaded. As abruptly as they have appeared, ex and wife were gone, and the others had rushed in to tend to my friend’s wounds.

I felt hunted as I walked through the ever shifting house, flashing intermittently between scenes where I continued trying to lock all the doors, and a strange scenario involving a poker game without chips, where I was struggling to understand the rules with each hand. And throughout both, images of him searching for me rattled my nerves.

When I awoke, it was without the feeling of panic and fear the dreams had evoked, but with bitterness in my mouth and those same images of my ex, eyes shifting and searching for me, imprinted in my brain. And with it, the finality of my realization that I will never be able to live in, or near, Boston, as long as his existence continues to haunt me. I will never rid myself of him by living in New England.

I have to move West.

Categories: dream, emolicious, ethereal
  1. nina aoki
    March 22, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Houses in dreams usually represent the dreamer, and can symbolize his or her body or the various levels of the mind. The unresolved issues in this relationship are haunting you, tho perhaps the geographical move might represent a clean break in the real world, I would think that the trauma might follow you until you’re truly able to let go.


  2. nell
    March 24, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    Yes, you’re right, nina. I know I need to let go. I’m trying! But perhaps not hard enough.

    Thanks for visiting, it is a pleasant surprise to hear from you!


  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: