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Topia

February 24, 2007 Leave a comment Go to comments

It’s sun and water again. So much sun; so much water; so much wind. Where am I?

I feel sunswept. Bleached by heat and light, carved and smoothed by wind. All the basic elements of purity. Life seems too bright, the sand too white. I feel encouraged to be hedonistic, lazy, carefree. The classroom is a 2000 ft dizzying wall of coral, disappearing into hazy dark blue well before that depth. Lectures at night are attended with sand between my toes and salt in my hair. Where am I?

This is the Caribbean.

I am no closer to the answers I sought here; namely, is Biology something I should seriously consider pursuing? I find myself somehow removed from the others here; somehow Different. Yet…

I don’t know. It’s hard to think here, at least beyond the next meal, lecture, and kayak trip. I’m measuring time in events: a bonfire, a movie, a trip to the one town on this island in pursuit of drinks, music, entertainment.

And…somehow…I have also been able to explore further, deeper, into my submissiveness while here. Like a tentative light probing into a dark corridor. There are things there – thoughts, fantasies, desires – that I’ve kept chained inside. Will they come out? With the help of an external force, perhaps. Do I want them out? That I do not know. But they are there, nonetheless.

I have all the reason to be wary, in many dimensions. And yet…what drives me? Curiosity? Lust? Desperation? What will all of this lead to?

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Categories: ethereal, travelog
  1. J
    February 27, 2007 at 7:34 am

    Where are you, you ask? It sounds like paradise, or close to it: sun, sand, salt water…coral reefs for a classroom.

    You sound good, though, like you feel good. Better than you have in awhile. I hope that is true.

    Life should be marked by events as much as anything…like the desert mountains rocking by out the window of a train. As for where it takes you? Only one way to find that out, isn’t there? Get on board…

    warily.

  2. wordslut
    February 27, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    I hope to read more about the things chained inside you.

  3. DL's toy
    February 28, 2007 at 12:10 am

    You do sound euphoric. Peaceful. Well. Good for you.

    As for those things chained inside… “Do I want them out? That I do not know.”
    There’s more said within that statement than what is stated.

    What will this lead to?
    It is the journey, not the destination, isn’t it? Much like that Carribbean journey you’re embarking on, no?

    Bring the sun back with you :o)

  4. nell
    February 28, 2007 at 4:10 am

    J-I do feel much better…rejuvenated, even.As for those life events-yes, I’m often eager to get on board, see where it carries me. It’s so exciting, isn’t it? But it’s also important to think whether the risks are worth it.

    WS-Oh, I’m sure they’ll come out, one way or another…

    Toy-What an intriguing comment! More there than what is stated…I’d love to talk to you more about that. And maybe it is more about the journey…but I’d also like to get a glimpse of the destination as well 😉

  1. June 1, 2009 at 11:21 am

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