the 2007 thing

A year of change…A year of discovery and drama…

I’m welcoming 2007 with wide open arms, honestly. I don’t think it is as revolutionary as some make it out to be, the passing of one year and the beginning of a new one, but it still works as a metaphor for me wanting to change some things, and to re-evaluate myself and the past year.

But, as a friend of mine once pondered on his own online journal, it seems unrealistic to dedicate one day, one event, to making any changes in one’s life and lifestyle, when that is something that should be constantly occurring as life passes – as obstacles are overcome, and new ones appear. But then again, not everyone is the kind of altruistic, Greater Good-seeking, passionate, self-knowledgeable person that he is. The kind of person that effects change wherever he goes, and believes something optimistic about the human race that escapes my perspective of the world, at least. Maybe I have become more cynical this year…

A lot has happened this year, both good and bad, and there is a lot for me to absorb and take away as life lessons. I’ve already written enough about my ended relationship to make my eyes bleed, and I get physically sick thinking about it. However, I cannot deny the huge influence it, and he, had on my life, and how so much of my past insecurities were stripped away. Of course, new ones took their place, rooted in the break-up, but I will deal with them as I can.

It is weird … I’ve noticed that I consciously prevent myself, at times, from blooming, from feeling good about myself, or feeling accomplished, or feeling happy, because I am reminded of his praises of me, of everything he said he loved about me. It hurts to remember, but even more than that, I don’t want to prove him right – in anything good he said about me. In all of the mind fucks I endured with him, this has been the longest lasting, and the most detrimental.

I am starting off the new year with a trip south, out of the United States, and I am relishing this fact. For 3 months I will be immersing myself in a new culture and environment, and hopefully reviving my dying interest in one of my majors.

So, here is to a new year, wide open and empty, shooting millions of thin yarns of possibility off into the distance to pursue. I feel like Pandora, both curious and frightened. But if Hope manages to escape with all the other evils, latching itself to each string, each risk and chance and mistake, it is worth opening that box, that door, and stepping through. Right?

To the new year. To a life ever brimming with potential. To an ever-changing world.

To a blog, for the year to hopefully provide more content for darker and more delectable stories to tell, more explicit experiences to relate, and more friends to make.


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