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sleep junkie, etc

November 25, 2006 Leave a comment Go to comments

I’ve clocked over 40 hours of sleep since Tuesday night. And given our family’s aversion to turkey, that can’t be blamed on any tryptophan-induced comas.

Granted, I barely slept over 4 hours a night the weekend before break started, but it’s still amazing how hard I crashed once I got home.

My lack of energy is depressing. I’m very tired even when I am awake, and I take frequent naps throughout the day. It doesn’t make for a very productive schedule, and I do have a lot of work for classes. I’m heading back up to school tomorrow to shoot my animation, and I need to have all the drawings done.

The lack of energy also has consequences elsewhere – namely, the lack of orgasms. Between sleep, helping prepare for Thanksgiving dinner (the most non-traditional one we’ve had yet), and the little drawing I have done, sexual satisfaction has definitely taken a backseat.

It’s also that time of month.

Which is just the cherry on top of a rather sucky week…


I can’t deny that I miss the sex, kink, and play. I’ve had almost nonstop visuals of begin taken forcefully; of hair pulled back, of greedy lips and teeth and hands; of wordless possession. I’m bombarded by the memories of our last couple sessions. How ironic that it was during that last meeting, which I knew would be the last, that I felt I submitted the most…gave of myself completely, and felt complete.
It feels wrong, but I can’t help it.

The lust is the problem. Only now do I realize how dangerously addicting lust is. I try to fight it, to forget the need I felt in his grasping hands and in his lips, and how that need fueled my own…it is a vicious cycle.

And I also remember the sage advice I received once, from a complete stranger no less, to “go with [my] gut, not with [my] heart, or brain, or the part that thinks, ‘I need a man.'”

That is all I can think right now. I need a man.

Sometimes, I don’t know why I make myself so vulnerable here. Writing posts has become a push and pull of wills, emotions, and reasoning lately.

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Categories: life, school, sundry
  1. His fucktoy
    November 30, 2006 at 4:00 am

    i’ve had to back up to begin reading from the top. This is written as though witnessed through a cloudy mirror- and my heart sank a little as i read your: “How ironic that it was during that last meeting, which I knew would be the last, that I felt I submitted the most…gave of myself completely, and felt complete.
    It feels wrong, but I can’t help it…”

    That is deep stuff. It hurts to read as much as it probably did writing. For those who know… the lust that accommodates this world.

    i’m sorry.
    reading on-

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