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breakaway

November 22, 2006 Leave a comment Go to comments

I drove home last night in a daze. For the short period I was driving, in any case. A resident was bumming a ride south to a nearby city, so in return he got to drive most of the time. Which was ideal, given my lack of sleep in the last…3 or 4 days. It passed quickly, our little road trip. We found much in common, and he proved to be a great conversationalist.

I’m going to miss my residents terribly after this term. They are wonderful, amazing, talented people, with incredibly bright futures.

But back to the drive home. I recognized all the roads easily, saw the familiar landscapes and buildings. But I realized, as I entered the town of my childhood, that the environment no longer resonated as home. I really have completely flown the nest, and while I am not saddened by this, as some are, there is still a tinge of…nostalgia? fondness? I’m not sure.

Still, it is nice to be back in my house. Besides the warm greetings and my mom’s subsequent fluttering about the kitchen warming food and soup and gossiping away, I got to see the finally finished basement, which looks beautiful. After so much strife and drama over its construction, it was nice to see that it was worth it in the end.

And this afternoon when I finally woke, I also rediscovered the joys I find in service to another; one whose appreciation is therapeutic, needs are simple, and warmth is sustaining. I rediscovered the peace one finds in the purr of a cat.

I’ve missed her so much. I did not want to leave the bed with her pressed inside the curve of my stomach, this tiny warm bundle of a cat. I stroked, scratched, smoothed, felt her velvety ears, and I had to keep from crying.

The purr of a cat. It has become my healing balm.

[edit]:

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
turn it inside out find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I’m through with you

I burn burn like a wicker cabinet
chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time has gotten stale

The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall

I hear words and clips
and phrases I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
turn it inside out find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I’m through with you

So Cal is where my mind states
but it’s not my state of mind
I’m not as ugly sad as you
Or am I origami
folded up and just pretend
demented as the motives in your head

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
turn it inside out find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I’m through with you

I alone am the one you don’t know you
need me take heed feed your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close sink when you get close tie me to the bedpost
I alone am the one you don’t know you
need me take heed feed your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close sink when you get close tie me to the bedpost

–“Inside Out” – Eve 6

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Categories: hope, links, love, lyrics, sundry, writing
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