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dichotomies

October 13, 2006 Leave a comment Go to comments

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile: the often disturbing dichotomies played out in the dominant-submissive lifestyle.

The most prominent one in my mind is the names. The titles, words, descriptions I have come to associate with myself. The sometimes ping-pong-like switching between “precious little kitten” and “depraved little whore.” The loved one, and the sexual object. “Slut” as a term of endearment. It is a jarring mental adjustment to make. I’m quite unsure of what to make of this clash. It feels like the line between yin and yang, or black and white; that edge of chaos between two opposing forces. To say it is unsettling is a ridiculous understatement.

Then there is the question of fantasy versus reality. The use of perverse, sometimes dangerous, and always secretly thrilling fantasies in the binding mind games we play in this lifestyle. The questions that always surface … “Is he serious? Does he mean it? Will/would he really carry that out?” And then right after, “What if he does? What would happen? Would I really do such a thing?”

But, perhaps what is most disconcerting is that, in most cases, the answer is not clear, either way. Forces on both sides pull me back and forth, and I am caught undecided. I can’t commit myself either way.

That fact, more than anything, shows how much I still have yet to learn, and experience.

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Categories: reflection, submission
  1. Shon Richards
    October 13, 2006 at 2:46 pm

    I find it almost insanity inducing. You adopt different standards that come up in one relationship while you reserve a different one for the rest of the world. You bounce back and forth trying to keep them seperate. Worse, everything you learn in one relationship becomes meaningless when your next relationship finds the word ‘whore’ too offensive to use at all.

    I think it’s why BDSM people cling to terminology laid out by others so much. It gives them a common ground to work with. The more exotic the phrase the better people embrace it because its a term that has no connotation in normal life.

  2. nell
    October 20, 2006 at 5:00 am

    It’s taken me a couple days to think of how to respond, and I still can’t think of one, really, except to say that you bring up some good points. I’m not quite sure I understand your last paragraph though.Then again, I am still very much new and naive in the BDSM scene 🙂

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