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vagina monologue reprise

So, I sit here, tying up final loose ends with one more class, and all I can think about is the tube of cotton stuffed inside me.

I have never been truly comfortable with tampons. This may have partly been inherited from my mother, from whom I inherited many traits (for better or for worse), but mostly I feel it is such an unnatural, uncomfortable sensation. And as every shift and movement reminds me of this absorbent tube, I am also struck with nervousness at the potential for toxic shock syndrome. I know little about TSS, to be honest, but the potential symptoms scare me nonetheless.

And so I find myself fighting panic whenever I feel it stirring within me as I move, or when I feel any pangs or aches in my abdomenal region. I could rationalize, tell myself it is the fact that I have not eaten in a many hours, or that it is the normal cramping of the first day. Regardless, however, I am nervous.

There is also the possibility of psychological influence on these bodily pains. I remember a friend’s mantra: “If you think you’re sick, you will be.” I wonder how much power the mind really holds over that. It links to my philosophy professor telling us of a hypnotist’s trick, involving an unlit cigarette being put out in the palm of the hypnotized victim, and having a blister develop at that spot the following day. It is as wondrous as it is frightening.

Psychology, Philosophy, Biology, Art, Animation, Academia, all swirling in my head today. I feel at once refreshed yet simultaneously weighed down. The curse of the month, as it were. The only benefit, I suppose, is to have a concrete reason for my mood swings and erratic behavior.

And the craving for chocolate.

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Categories: sundry
  1. Mu Ling
    September 2, 2006 at 5:36 pm

    I hate to sound so pragmatic about a perceptive, sensitive post, but…have you tried various brands and sizes of tampons? Some give me that uncomfortable “stuffed” feeling and some don’t.

    Also, if they feel so icky inside you, why use them?

  2. nell
    September 3, 2006 at 4:11 am

    haha…I guess I should dry more brands before complaining. This time, it’s mostly that I only had these Tampax regulars at hand, which I just find awful, but bought a box a while back! I’m most definitely a pad person otherwise, though.Maybe I will try some different brands though…

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